The Buck Stops Here

Written by my friend Shannon McFadden – Global Grandma

Shannon Mcfadden - Global Grandma

I don’t remember when I shut down. It must have been at a very young age, 3 years old maybe. What I mean by shut down is close my heart so I didn’t feel. I didn’t want to feel the pain of my mother’s hostility. Her anger. So I stopped shining my light. I stopped loving. I stopped feeling anything except a deep anger. It came out in all my interactions. I had to really work at being nice. Being nice was acceptable. The thing is, when nice is covering up anger, it comes out as mean sarcasm. And I was very sarcastic and mean at times. Especially when I felt hurt. I realize by shutting down, I didn’t effectively shield myself from the pain of the outside world, I only stopped giving my light. I stopped experiencing the world as a fun and joyful place. In the end I…

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